把水杯填满

上周二,大学的大家庭痛失一位成员。

想着一个年轻生命遽然而逝,我难以安寝,重读一位英国牛津的牧师Henry Scott Holland( 1847—1918 ) 的一篇诗文,他这样形容死亡:

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

读到此处,想起已故的至爱双亲,不禁鼻头一酸。中学时念过朱自清《背影》里描写的父子情怀及语句,又彷佛浮现眼前。我们永远无法全然感受别人失去至亲的伤痛。否定、抑压、自责、愤怒,甚至埋怨、无助,最后步过及克服哀伤是一个艰难的过程。生死两相安,谈何容易。

事件发生后,我立即联络及会见相关的同事,一方面希望给予过世同学的亲友最大的支援,同时亦想想往后可以做的工作。大学在两年前成立了学生精神健康及支援专责委员会,以检讨及加强大学的辅导工作及精神健康支援的措施,集思广益后提出了多项建议并已逐步落实。现今社会环境复杂多变,同学的成长亦受多方因素影响 。大学绝对不会松懈,将持续检视,力求完善。我初步的想法与计划是希望在课内课外加强同学的解难能力及正向心理,让同学在繁重的课业及紧凑的课外活动中,留有澄明思考的空间,能够习惯看到事情或问题的多面,因而在面对自身的困难时,可以耐心去寻找有效的解决方法,不致掉进死胡同。

我曾经在书店看到一幅简单却蛮有意思的海报:

杯子半空还是半满的道理,我们都明白。但凡事不只有一面或两面,我们可以更进一步,把事态扭转─我们可以把水填满,甚或可以把水全都倒了再重新注入。当时间和逆境拖着我们走时,我们更要把主导权夺回来,成为生命的主人。

在大学里,别忘记我们就如家人,多互相扶持、关心和聆听,定必可以克服困难。